And recently I’ve become more and more curious about things, like, anything really. I just read up on the TARDIS and sonic screwdriver and The Doctor in general, as well as biological mutations such as sickle cell disease, and my illness CAH. I want to know things.
“Because younger people, my children, steal the future! By changing language. Everything I relied on. How can you expect to feel you know what’s going on when you walk down the street and your children say ‘Oh, look at that church, it’s so random’? What, is it moving? What do you mean? It’s a…
And the damned fire alarm has set off AGAIN. 4 hours apart. If it goes off at 7 I’m going next door and tearing the ruddy thing off the ceiling myself. Any other time as well for that fact, I’m not just super angry at 7am. Just highly drowsy.
I like the irony of quitting illustration, and then actually being inspired to draw, can’t stop it now. And kinda loving it. Currently drawing on a 4 x 1 bit of board with a sharpie. I like this, keeps me busy.
My brother, Benjamin. You and I have both been through tough times, not as bad as some, but worse than many. Growing up with you felt like a fight for survival most of the time, we bickered too much, I’m glad we can actually chat now without trying to rip each others heads off, still, I’d never change a thing. It’s what made you strong, funny and crazily good at giving dead arms. You’ll be 18 soon and I’m so goddamn proud, Dad would have been too, and I know Mum is, you’ve been the best son they could have asked for, and so much more than anyone would expect. When I came out 3 years ago you didn’t batter an eye lid, you accepted me for who I am without any questioning or prejudice, I’ll always be grateful for that. I know homes hard at times, being depended on by so many, being made responsible for things that others won’t help you with, and I wish I was as resilient as you. You’re the best of the bunch, and have so much potential, please don’t waste it. I love you Bencementhead, even though you’re a klutz, you’re the best brother ever.
And I’m not tired, and kind of don’t feel like sleeping, no real reason either. Just want to be awake. Kinda trying to remember things from my past, which is really hard to do for me. Probably need a hypnotherapist to actually be able to recall some memories. I hate not being able to remember things, and flashbacks truly suck, especially when they happen durin a lesson or just walking round town. I know it’s me coping with a complex life but I wish I had more of a grip at times, especially in times like these. Wouldn’t hurt to have Dumbledores pensive right now that’s for sure.
Biting (gently), touching my neck (dependant on who, sometimes I just find it relaxing), gentle brushing, actually touching gently and general intimacy, strong kisses that feel like they don’t want to end. Surprising cheekyness when you’re hugging.
Not bothering, being greedy, erm, being a bitch in general.